Notes for this year's Awards:

It was definitely the Year of the Newbie on the Repairman Jack message board. Many of the old regulars moved on to other things, or just popped their heads in once in a while. Luckily some newbies settled in to fill the gap, most notably Gerald, Barry, Keith, and of course saynomore. I've tried to balance the shout-outs in this year's Awards to reflect the personnel change.

I'd like to welcome the new people and I encourage the lurkers to post. We're having our second annual Grand Unification in Atlanta this year, and all lurkers and newbies are more than welcome to attend and meet us and F. Paul Wilson.

Without further ado, here they are...

THE THIRD ANNUAL FPW/RJ MESSAGE BOARD AWARDS

Shortest short story: "Rumors" by FPW (http://www.repairmanjack.com/forum/config.pl?read=6267)

Longest poem about a boardwalker: "Susan Kicks Some" by Mike H. (http://www.repairmanjack.com/forum/config.pl?read=6446)

Most honest subject line: "This has nothing to do with anything but it's fun" -- Kris, 21 August 2001

Second most honest subject line: "Not even bothering with being on topic" -- Jeoshua, 27 June 2002

Biggest proof that we're all geeks: "Attack of the Clones" thread (August 2001)

What FPW won't show us: The Ego Shelf

Best dramatic performance by an actor in a message board scene: Tony, "Online Reviews," 3 October 2001 (http://www.repairmanjack.com/forum/config.pl?read=6916)

Newbie most familiar with the English language: Morgan Grey

Suggestions for FPW, in case he doesn't have enough ideas of his own:

1. Prequel to The Keep -- Aphew and Paul, every week

2. RJ cinematic video game -- Charlie, October 19, 2001

3. I WANT REPAIRMAN JACK TO DEAL WITH TERRORIST IN HIS NEXT BOOK, AND DEAL WITH THEM IN A MEAN AND NASTY WAY. -- Lawrence Nixon, October 22, 2001

Subject line most likely to appear in Smithsonian Magazine: "Paint = Symbolism = Nightmare" Mike Hanson, August 18, 2001

FPW-to-film Adaptation of the year: MIDNIGHT MASS

Good riddance to: T. Durden

Obligatory "repairman" post: "My Stove is broke" Buford Clumpthistle, October 16, 2001

Best quote: "Also, it should be said that some fans of FPW might find offense in your critique, and choose to hunt you down and torture you with a pair of plastic salad tongs, or make you listen to Backstreet Boys 'music.'" -- Morgan Grey, October 22, 2001

Offer least likely to be taken up: "For what it's worth, I'm really fond of idea 2 (Rasalom's rival). I'd be more than happy to sign any legal document necessary to allow you to use it as you desired." JohnTFS, November 13, 2001

Best get together: GU-1, October 26-29, 2001

Most likely to need new paper for his printer: Mike Hanson

Best Argument on the Message Board: Lisa Krause and Saynomore (Thanks for the nomination, Gerald. Heh.)

----

And this is from Keith:

"I know this is a shameless self promotion but I'm certain you already picked up on this one.

"I posted a message RE All The Rage Cartoon tie-in RE Tom Teriffic and Manfred the Wonder Dog. The Man, FPW himself, responded with 4, count 'em, 4 (FOUR) consecutive posts

"This should win in two categories:

"1) Most consecutive posts by THE MAN

"and

"2) Post with most consecutive posts by THE MAN with NO, ZERO, NADDA, BUPKIS, responses by any other board member"

Congrats on your awards, Keith!

----

Most innocent: Barry

Silliest abbreviation: "HA" for "Haunted Air"

Still the most popular subject line: "Question for FPW" (or some variation thereof)

Other people who were addressed in "Question for" subject lines: Aphew, Lisa, and "Anyone"

Annual confirmation of Tony's chicken head fetish: "On the other hand, I am Italian (50 percent that is, that explains why my last name is Harrington and not Bonsiero) and no one curses out an Italian. So, as a result, if you could just disregard the severed chicken head I have sent you in the mail (Postage was to hefty for a horse's head) we will be just peachy." -- Tony to Barry, 12 February 2002

Most Moral: Tony (AsMoral as Lisa who is not AsMoral as me, AsMoral.) 2 Dec 2001 (http://www.repairmanjack.com/forum/config.pl?read=8215)

Best thread to read for book recommendations: "Favorite Author (besides FPW)" December 2001

Products of this year's Newbie Machine: Barry, Morgan Grey, Scott, saynomore, John Baranick, Jeoshua, Sean (bkwormonthenet), Gerald (Chyme), BKCanine Escort1, Richard, Keith (Cytodude), Jeff

Newest newbies: Jim (flammarion), SDSwami, Ish

On the edge of obscurity: kb and Hutch

Mostly MIA: Heide Goody, Chris Foix, Brian Jones, Kevin Workman, Jim Gdog, Donahue, Lew, TBone

Presumed dead: Brennor Matheson, Reverend Pablo, Mrs. Aloa, Allyn

Most exclamation points in a subject line: "RJ is a D Fan!!!" Aphew, 4 July 2002

Number of posts by FPW: About 300 (probably a few more than that; my counting got frelled at one point and the search engine is verrry slow)

Obligatory September 11th thread: http://www.repairmanjack.com/forum/config.pl?read=6945

Most likely to show up at Awards time and then leave for another year: Blake Dollens

Oldest post answered: "The Beast and Me" (Orig post 10 Dec 2000, answered 21 Feb 2002)

Lisa's favorite subject line: "Thank you lisa krause" Manny, 25 March 2002 (Followed closely by "thanks lisa" by qjeff and "Thank You, Lisa" by saynomore. Awww.)

Most generally pleasing subject line: "The Error of Mann" Jeoshua, 2 March 2002

Most likely to club his fellow board members like baby seals just to get his hands on a rare edition: Mike H.

Did you know?: Paul is twice as Italian as Tony, who is twice as Italian as Lisa. And Mystery Ink is Scottish and cheap enough to prove it.

Most likely to brawl over the Federalist Papers: Russ Madden

Most likely to brawl for no reason: NY Joe

Most morbid subject line: "What's the worst way to go?" -- Gerald, 3 June 2002

Second most morbid subject line: "Best Death Scene" -- Gerald (Chyme), 10 July 2002

Special Sum-Up Award: Phil, for his quote "It kind of pains me to know that people will never know that there is an excellent book behind that shitty movie." 13 May 2002

Special Suckup Award 2002: Hutchie, who managed to suck up to two people in one subject line -- "A great author is hard to find, a great wife even harder" 26 December 2001

Most nonsensical post: "Ban Screwdrivers!" Mike H, 20 July 2002

Best lurker: "V"

The Arschficker Awards for most incomprehensible mix of German and English in a posting: Lisa, "Ja! Ist Gut!!" 22 April 2002

Proof that FPW is trying to avoid us: His "chat room" post on January 23, 2002, in which he gives us seven MINUTES notice for an upcoming chat. Thanks a lot, F!

Still most likely to be mistaken for FPW: Paul

Still the most polite: Paul

Most thoughtful: Paul, for remembering FPW's birthday

A subject line that Paul would definitely not write: "You owe us, Mr. Wilson" -- Scott, 3 December 2001

Obligatory Star Trek ref: "Data (not just a character on TNG)" -- Tony, 10 December 2001

Message board musician: Rik/Richard

Biggest FPW book collection: Aphew

Most intellectual trend: College professors posting on the board

This year's Aftershock: "Rumors"

Runner up to this year's Aftershock: "Aftershock"

Poorest form: DaveM, for stealing Tony's thunder on the 10,000th post

Weirdest poster name: Vror Stealthleg

Most likely to have been drunk while posting: Phil, "Gum" 11 June 2002. Transcript: "Gum... Mullet... Phil"

Most likely to have been drunk and bitter while posting: Phil, "It's like that is it then?" 14 June 2002. Transcript: "No responded to my gum post. I just wanted to know if people on this board were still alive. I know they ar enow, but no response...thats just wrong...not even a what the hell is this post."

Trapped in the 80s: Tony, Lisa, and Keith

Trapped in the 60s and before: Repairman Jack

Most specific subject line: "THE HAUNTED AIR - page 329 spoiler" Paul Legerski, 22 July 2002

Best gift: THE BOOKS

Number of writers on the board: Countless

Number of writers who actually had something published: 2 (FPW and Gerald)

Most memorable beer run: Tony and FPW

Number of glasses of water I drank while making the last-minute touch-ups to the Awards: Enough to make my bladder float out of my body and down the street

FPW on creating new stories between pre-existing works: "It's not something I recommend. It causes confusion and consternation among the readership." -- FPW, 3 February 2002

Most likely to get words stuck in his larnyx: Marc

Most likely to be ostrich-sized: Marc

Least likely to be hired on as an assistant by FPW's web guy: Lisa

Most dedicated overseas fan (two years running): Dave M

Luckiest to survive May 1: Dave M

Hit and Run Poster of the Year: Mariah (with an honorable mention to Hutchie)

Most cornfusing name change: Gerald to "Chyme"

Most in need of buying an R: Magery

Most likely to get her own "Where Are They Now?" VH-1 special: Susan (Where ARE you, Susan?)

Paramount's worst nightmare: saynomore

Most recent argument: "Signs"

Books mentioned the most often: Haunted Air, Hosts, the Adversary Cycle (as a whole), Nightworld

Biggest bummer: Stealth Press going out of business

Number of tantrums by Lisa: 2 (Apologies to saynomore and the apparently formless wraith who gets paid to maintain the RJ site)

Funniest post: "Simile Hell" by FPW, 21 May 2002 (http://www.repairmanjack.com/forum/config.pl?read=9669)

Second best quote: "But the ultimate villain, the man who always gives me the creeps whenever I see him on screen, the terror of my nightmares, has to be....the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I get shivers just thinking of him now." -- Dave M, "Favorite Villains" 31 July 2001

What the board could use more of: Girls

Favorite heroes: Jack, Glaeken, Ellen Ripley, Kyle and Sarah from The Terminator, and Indiana Jones (http://www.repairmanjack.com/forum/config.pl?read=6164)

Sympathies to: Mike H, for losing his mom

Congratulations to: Aphew, for his very special little boy; Fwah, for his engagement/marriage; Gerald, for getting his poem published; FPW, for his new grandson; Marc and saynomore, for quitting smoking, or trying to at any rate

(This year's awards composed to the music of Brother, ABBA, Vertical Horizon, and Lit)

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