Special Report
API Wire Service Wednesday, January 31, 2001 13:10 Hrs
New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Ohio State Police report a late model Studebaker barreling dangerously along both backroads and the interstate. Thus far they have been unable to apprehend the reckless driver, who, by the latest eyewitness reports, strongly resembles Hollywood Actor and recent father Michael Douglas with a crew cut and wearing 1950's style eye-glasses.
One attempt to run this madman off the road was repelled when the vehicles operated by two Ohio State troopers were forced to exit the interstate after their windshields were rendered unviewable.
Unsubstantiated reports state that this occurence was brought about by large quantities of a presently unknown children's cereal being ejected from a long, cylindrical, metallic object, bearing a striking resemblance to a WWII issue Army bazooka, being carried by the purpetrator.
Another unsubstantiated report quotes Mobil gas station attendant Fred MacPherson as stating: "He acted kinda funny when I gassed him up. What do I mean by funny? Well he had this strange look in his eye and kept saying he was going to his daughter's birthday party."
At present the suspect is still at large and considered dangerous.
More reports to follow.